My Equal
by Spectra16
Summary: Artemis Fowl Senior maybe not as ignorant to his son's actions as Eoin Colfer leads on. Senior goes to great lengths to find out the truth behind The People, and Artemis II gets a rude awakening to fatherson actvities.
1. Mudman

**My Equal**

By Spectra16

Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl.

A/N: I wanted to write a fic about the awkward relationship that Artemis and Artemis Sr. might have. I also wanted to make it serious too, but we shall see about that. Also, I'd like to warn everyone that there might be parts where someone's a bit out of character. Just bare with me. I know what I'm doing.

Summary: Artemis Senior may not be as dumb as he leads on. Senior finds reason for a conspiracy theory he is working on about his son's involvement with faeries. On the way of his research, he tries to find ways into finding more about how much his son has matured. Humor/action/adventure/family based fan fiction.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter One: Mudman

_"I assumed as much. My returning from Murmansk has been suspicious and I continue to question it. My son has been more distant that I expected. After two years, I figured he'd want to be around me, maybe help me with my new expertise, but he seems to be wrapped up in his own ventures that I'm pretty sure don't have much to do with school. Perhaps he takes me for a fool. Or perhaps he's too sure of himself and his alibis. I've done a bit of fishing around on his laptop while he's away walking in the garden, which I do not recall him doing until his suspicious school trip to Germany. He almost seemed to mature overnight. And now, I think I finally know what is going on._

_As crazy as it may seem, I think he's involved with faeries. I've checked his laptop and found a database with strange hieroglyphics that I'm positive that I've never encountered in my life, which is not common for me. It could be proven to be some sort of ancient language, but most ancient languages are studied by college professors, and no one has seen this before._

_Also, I found a relatively recent e-mail on his account (he still doesn't know I access it) that was in that strange language, so I deciphered it, since my little Arty has a key on his computer. It seemed to have been sent from a girl, named Holly. No last name was used. I remember it vaguely, because I could not print it in time before Artemis was coming back to his room. She said something about detective work and mulching. It was very curious. And she used a very interesting term that I think was directed to Artemis. Mudman. That seemed to be her name for him once or twice. I decided to say it once a few days ago, and his reaction to the word seemed to shock him, and then he vaguely smiled as if remembering something he was very fond of._

_I've researched this and found sufficient data to explore this matter. All I have to do now is become closer to my son, and hopefully discover something that I have been waiting to discover for my whole life._

-From the journal of Artemis Fowl Senior


	2. Family Ties Knotted

**My Equal**

By Spectra16

Disclaimer: Don't own Fowl.

A/N: Are you interested yet? I hope so. I feel that this one is gonna be good.

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Chapter Two: Family Ties Knotted

"We're going camping!" Artemis Senior smiled widely and squinted his eyes shut. Artemis sat there, starring at him, not amused.

"Did you hear me?" Senior asked quickly.

"Yes."

"Well good! Get some clothes together!" Senior squeaked as he skipped to gather fishing equipment. Artemis figured his father was drunk. He went back to his room to finish his studies.

Artemis Senior poked his head in the door of his son's room.

"What are you doing?" He asked happily. Artemis flinched, having not heard his father come in.

"Just some calculus I should probably . . . What are YOU doing?" Artemis got up from his seat once he found that his father had let himself into his underwear drawer.

"I'm packing your stuff! We're leaving as soon as we're ready!" He grabbed a bunch of things and threw them on the floor. Artemis put a hand on his father's forehead and left it there for a few seconds. His father stopped and looked at Artemis weird.

"Stand up straight," Artemis seemed to demand, and Senior seemed to obey. Artemis held his index finger up.

"Follow my finger," Artemis said, and slowly dragged it in all directions.

"Well, you don't have a fever, you're not drunk, so the only possibilities left are that either you're possessed or you actually WANT to go camping," Artemis crossed his arms and pondered.

"I do want to go camping! You actually think I'm kidding?" Senior asked. Artemis nodded quickly.

"Just get your stuff together," He grimaced.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Let's get it started it herrrre! Let's get it started in herrre!" Senior sang with the radio. Artemis cringed at the sound of silly American rap music.

"Please father, spare me. When we get to our camping spot, you can do whatever you like with me. Come swimming, setting me on fire, or feeding me to a bear. But PLEASE do not sing with . . . This," Artemis sulked, trying to block out the noise.

"Come on Arty! You gotta be free! Like a real boy! Not like Pinocchio! A real boy! With an attitude and a skateboard! JNCO jeans and stupid sarcastic t-shirts!" Artemis Senior chirped.

"Ruffians," Artemis murmured all too quietly. Silence filled the air as a Avril Lavigne song came on.

"I strongly suggest we go back for Butler. He'll be worried, and he's never, ever left my side," Artemis tried to find a way to go back home so that he could immaturely latch himself onto a piece of furniture, forcing his father to drag him out of the house.

"Why? Don't you feel safe with me?" Artemis Senior asked pathetically.

"To be brutally honest, no. You have an impairment and you never were one for physical activities. It's a wonder no one has mugged you. It is also a wonder that bodyguards haven't been flocking to you in hopes of work," Artemis starred out of the window.

"Technically, Butler is my bodyguard. But I think I'll leave him with you. I feel safe right now. No one that I know of is trying to kill me. That's why keeping a clean conscience is a good thing," Senior said almost suggestively. Artemis scoffed. It was obvious to Artemis that his father knew SOMETHING was up. Be it his ventures as an art work thief or forging highly expensive documents. Nothing bloody though, thank Frond.

Frond . . .

"Plus, Butler will have a good time! We finally got him to do something outside of work for a change," Senior smiled happily. Artemis grimaced.

"I think he enjoys his work, over going to gyms and trying to meet women," Artemis scoffed again.

(Scene cut to Butler driving the Bentley down Dublin at night)

"WOOOOOO! PARTY!" Butler screamed with his window down. He drove far beyond the speed limit, although there were very few cars anyways. His techno music pumped loudly for everyone to hear as he screamed with joy.

(Scene cuts back to a rather uncomfortable silence with the Artemis')

"Let's stop at McDonalds," Senior rapidly pulled into the drive through.

"Gross," Artemis said quietly and unbuckled himself.

(Scene change to Artemis and Artemis starring at the menu, trying to find something almost edible.)

"I'll have a double cheeseburger, a strawberry shake, and a large fry," Artemis Senior tapped his fingers to some strange beat on the ordering station. Junior gave him a weird look.

"Fry? Don't you mean fries? As in the plural term?" Artemis asked. Senior shook his head smiling, but didn't speak.

"I'll have a cheeseburger happy meal," Artemis said sheepishly, as if to make a statement. He wasn't THAT hungry.

"Would you like a Barbie toy or a hot wheel toy?" The cashier asked. He had a very nasally voice and seemed to spit. Artemis cringed.

"No toy, please," Artemis was boiling over. For some reason, he remembered Holly at that moment, asking him if he'd like a lollipop, back when they weren't on very good terms. He smiled through his disgust. Senior was secretly watching him, wondering what was going through his head.

The two of them sat down with their meals. Artemis picked gingerly at his food, but Senior attempted to make a specticle of himself.

"Father, could you please chew with your mouth closed. It's . . . grossing me out with your . . . Sicky noises," Artemis almost gagged. His mouth stuck his tongue out with a wad of chewed food on it. Artemis rolled his eyes and got up.

"I'll be in the bathroom," Artemis walked away. Once he turned the handle to the door, he found that it was locked. He rolled his eyes again and went up to the counter for the keys. He returned and found that through the locked door, a multitude of germs awaited him. He left in a hurry, not even bothering to take care of his business. He threw the key on the counter and looked at the cashier.

"You lock your bathroom doors. What, are you afraid someone will clean them?" He asked and walked to the car.


End file.
